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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in missxmurderess' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
8:03 pm
Writer's Block: Kids or child-free?
Whether you've chosen to have children or live child-free, how and when did you (or will you) reach this decision? If you're in a relationship, did you (or will you) decide separately or together?


I feel that if you are in a stable relationship and it is something that both of you want, then it is fine to talk about having children. I already have one kid. I love my pumpkin. But I wish I had waited on having a baby because I could have lived without the drama that came attached. I am going to wait until I am married and stable (emotionally and financially) before I even think about having another kid.

Current Mood: cold
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
11:49 pm
Writer's Block: 2010 Health & Fitness Goals
"What are your health and fitness goals for 2010? Do you have a plan for how to achieve them?"

my health and fitness goals for 2010 is that i want to lose at least 10-20lbs. i want to go back to the way i was before i had skyler. i want to be around 120-130 again. i want to start living a healthier life... so i can make skylers life better. once i get my gym membership back i will be going alot more. so hopefully it will be alot easier.
11:29 pm
eh...... new life
eh. so new life.
skyler almost 2.
me and kyle are broken up. he has a new gf.. i hate her... have. its not just cuz it is kyles gf... i hated her way before that.
im still in love with kyle but im not bothering anymore. if he doesnt want me, then fine.

aaron is the best!
i have only known him a few weeks but he is great. super sweet, knows all the right things to say, and cute! lol.
we arent officially going out but we arent doing anything with anyone else.
we like each other. and hopefully we will be official soon.

so right now im bored.

i graduated from MHS in 2009.
went to NCC for one semester.
was an ECE major.
going to Art Intstitute of Pittsburgh-Online.
i am a photography major.

i cant wait til my birthday.
im gonna be 21 bitches!
lol.

Current Mood: bored
Monday, May 4th, 2009
11:23 am
tragic events
A huge tragedy has hit my town at the beginning of last week.
A car crash happened. One kid is still in critical condition and two are dead. All were 16 yr old boys. It is heartbreaking event. I only knew one of the kids, but I wish I had known all three. I only knew to the one that survived. His name is Gino. He is a good kid. I have known him since he was in readiness, and I was in 3rd grade. I used to be really good friends with his older sister. He is funny and really nice. Every time we saw each other in the hallway we would say "hi" and then walk in our separate directions. I saw him the Friday before vacation (the Friday before the crash), and I wish I had said more than just hi. I wish I had stopped to talk with him. I don't want the last thing we had said to each other is "hi". I wish I knew the two other boys. I have heard so many good things about them. They seemed like cool kids. I just regret not being able to get to know them.
RIP Gage and Alex. "Only the good die young."
Hang in there Gino. "Only the strong survive." Be strong Gino, be strong.

Current Mood: blah
Friday, March 13th, 2009
11:25 am
Writer's Block: Really, Truly
Do you believe in true love? What about love at first sight?


Yes I do believe in true love. I truly love my bf. We are planning on getting married. I knew the first time we went out that I was going to be with him forever. I have had plenty of other bfs, but when I was with him I just knew. I had never felt that way about a bf before, sure I thought I loved them, and maybe I did... just not the way I felt/still feel about Kyle. He is the one I want to be with forever. He is the one I truly love.

Love at first sight.... I thought I did. I knew I liked Kyle at first sight. I mean I was certainly attracted to him. But I don't think it was love.

-Kayla

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
11:33 am
english...
I am at lunch, during English class. I am bored. I just want to go home. I have to pick up Shawna today after she gets out of school. I can't wait til tonight. I have my first coaches meeting. I can't wait, I am so excited.
Skyler is doing good. He is almost 17lbs now. He is 9 1/2 months old. He is so cute. I love having him in my life.
Me and Kyle are great. We are doing really well. We haven't had any major issues lately. Well not in the past month.
We have all been through a lot and I have been trying to keep most of the stuff that angers me to myself. We had a little argument a little over a month ago. But we got over it and we are good now.
I love him to death. I probably would die if I didn't have him.

Well I should go. Ta Ta.
Kayla ♥

Current Mood: blah
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
6:36 pm
annoyed and pissed.
I dont know what to do about all the fighting. I am just getting annoyed with everything ending up in fights. I feel like I am only staying with him for the baby. I just dont know what to do anymore. I wouldnt be able to live without him, but I dont know if I can live with him. I cant raise a baby by myself. I dont have money for daycare. I dont have money to support him. I dont have time to take care of him with school. I really have no choice. I just feel like all I do is cry myself to sleep. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
11:59 pm
Midnight Madness.
Eh. I cant sleep.
Its midnight on this Thursday morning. (Wednesday into Thursday)
I am getting over bronchitis so it kind of sucks. I cant take my antibiotic cuz it was making me have a hard time breathing. I was getting sharp, annoying pains in my upper back (right around my chest area but in the back). I went to the Medical Center's ER (in Milford.... which sucks), and the doctor said that I shouldnt be on an antibiotic for bronchitis. They aren't needed and it can only make me worse. So no more antibiotic. I am on an inhaler for the bronchitis for now. I am on one of those cool Advair inhalers. The round, purple ones. They are so cool. No shaking or anything. Just slide it open, put your lips on the mouth piece, pull the lever and inhale. So awesome. If my mild asthma (what I think is mild asthma), gets worse and I have to have an inhaler, I want another one of those. Oh well... Kyle has it too. But he is on a good antibiotic (although he doesnt need one), so he is getting better. He should be getting worse soon cuz that is what happened with me and Pat. We got better and then worse again. And then obviously better. I think I am almost all better though.
On last Tuesday (not the one that just happened but the one before that), Skyler came home from the hospital. He went in the Saturday before that with a mild case of pneumonia. He is perfect now. He is happy and off his antibiotic. It's like he never had the pneumonia at all, well except for the mild cough he got over like a couple days ago.

I have about 4-5 days left until I have to start school. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I dont know what to do. I know people are gonna talk. And I am not so sure I can handle that yet. I dont know. I havent thought it out very much yet.
My Schedule looks a little like this:
A block- American Studies 2B w/ Mr Clark
B block- Musical Theater w/ Mrs Erdody
C block- English 12A w/ Mrs Fish
D block- free.

I am so excited for musical theater. Two of many favorite things in one class. How awesome is that? Superly awesome that's how awesome it is. haha.
Not so sure about AS2. Third year of it (well 2 1/2 years really). I took it once in 11th grade, took it again last year but dropped out. And now again. I am gonna get so bored in that class so quickly. I have heard Mr Clark is a good teacher though. English is going to be interesting. Maybe I will actually do good this time. I am going to force myself to do good so. And musical theater? I have that in the bag. There is almost no way I can fail that class. I love to sing and I love to act (sort of). I at least love the theater. I hope we go a school trip to Boston or New York to go see a Broadway show. I have seen Spamolot twice. Once in Boston and once on Broadway. Both awesome times.

This summer, I am going to be an assistant coach for one of the Amherst Patriots teams. Well it isn't for sure yet, but she said that it was pretty much going to happen. I wish i could be a head coach but you have to be at least 21. But oh well. It just means I can have a few years of coaching experience before I have my own team. Which is good so then I dont fall flat on my face. I already have so many ideas. I cant wait til we start having practices. Which wont be until August but oh well.

Skyler has 2 teeth now. He is so cute. He has his first dentist appointment on nest Thursday. I know it is kind of early, but he has to go at least once before his first birthday. Why not now when he cant fight me as much later on?

I am attempting to write a short novel. I dont have any moral of the story yet, but I have only just started. It probably wont be any good, and I will probably get a couple chapters in and realize that it sucks and erase it. That's all my stories end up. I dont know. It is just something to keep my busy. Once school starts I will probably be too overwhelmed and not write at all. Then I will give up on the story and probably erase it. haha.

Well I should go and try to sleep. I dont know how well that will work.
TTFN! Goodbyes, and goodnight.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, December 19th, 2008
3:19 pm
update.....
Skyler is almost 7 months old now. He is just the cutest little thing. He laughs like crazy, he smiles, he babbles. I look at his pictures from when he was in the hospital and he has changed so much. It is crazy. It feels like yesterday he was born.

Me and Miranda are talking again. Which is good. I missed talking to her. I am glade we could work some of the things out.
I have realized that me and Miranda are like Lauren and Heidi on the Hills. Lauren hates Spencer, and that split her and Heidi up. And that was me and Miranda. She hated Kyle. Now that Heidi and Spencer are getting married Lauren is seeing that Heidi is happy. And now Miranda sees that me and Kyle really do love each other and she has come to terms with it.
It makes me happy.

I am going back to school for second semester. I am a little nervous but I think I will get through it. I am not going back to have friends, I am going back to graduate.
This is my schedule:
A block- American Studies 2B with Mr. Clark.
B block- Musical Theater with Mrs. Erdody.
C block- English 12A with Mrs. Fish..... I think. I dont remember now. lol.
D block- Free.

I just need to figure out my privileges situation. I had all my years of dues paid off, and now I need to figure out about this year. I get to do everything that I missed last year. I get to go to prom, senior trip, and graduation. yay me!

AHHHH!!!!! Phantom of the Opera is on tv! I love this movie! I love all the songs. It is one of the best musicals ever. I wish I could see it in person. I bet it would be amazing.

Well I should go.
I love Kyle and Skyler.

Kayla ♥
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
2:09 pm
4-2-0 yeah our clocks are always on
so everything seems to be falling into place.
i am slowly getting my friendship with miranda back.
we are talking to each other now. it just feels right.
i like it.

me and kyle are great.
no fights lately. none major anyway.

skyler is doing good.
he is just so cute.
he is ate grandma's house right now though.

i cant wait til nov 21.
twilight comes out in theaters.
i am so excited.
i want to take shawna to the movies to see it for her birthday.
i hope my mom will give her money for it, and then hopefully i will have a job by then.
i have been applying online to some places.

i hope i get a phone call tomorrow for one of them.
i need a job badly.

well i am gonna go.
maybe read the rest of twilight.
or maybe write more of my book.
oh ya i am writing a little book of my own. eh its not that great. but it keeps me busy.

ttfn.

kayla ♥


Current Mood: calm
Thursday, October 30th, 2008
8:32 pm
ehhh.....
ehhh.....
I dont know what to do. I miss all the friends I used to have. I know I was the one that fucked things up.
Like Miranda.... I wish I could take it all back. I wish we could be mature enough to take everything back. I miss all the fun we used to have.
It is hard to talk to anyone I used to be friends with. I just barely started to get Jasmine back. But I havent really hung out with her a lot lately.
I just dont know anymore.

Well..... idk.

I think I am gonna go.
Kyle should be coming back downstairs soon.

I love you all.
Kayla ♥

Current Mood: blah
Monday, October 27th, 2008
9:00 pm
eh bored.
eh bored.
Baby is doing good. He is getting so big. He is about 12-13lbs now. He has to go back to the doctors on Dec 2. He is so cute! He is laughing (like crazy), cooing, trying to sit (not all on his own), and standing (with help). He takes steps occasionally but not on his own. He doesnt like to crawl. You put him on his tummy and he gets pissed. lol.
He eats like crazy now.

So I am getting sick of all the political calls, and all the commercials. It annoying. I cant wait til it's over. I dont know if I am going to vote or not. I know, I know I should but eh.

So I cant wait til Twilight comes out. I am going to make Kyle go see it with. I have to finish the book first. I am getting there. I am on page 220 or something like that.

I have started watching True Blood (on HBO). It is a good show. They like to have sex alot though. Maybe that is why it is on HBO. lol Oh well... me and Kyle watched it for like hours the other day. We missed the one on last night, so now we have to wait til it comes on On Demand.

Well I got to go. I have to go say goodnight to my baby boy.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, August 15th, 2008
1:03 pm
bored
so i finally had the baby.... almost 3 months ago.
his name is skyler james cameron fenton.
he is soooo cute. i love him to death.
he isnt sleeping through the night yet. i cant wait til he does.
i am always so tired during the day.

so i have been thinking lately.
i fucked up my life.
i should have just stayed in school and finished. i just didnt want to be in high school and be pregnant.
i mean i could go back and finish but i would have no one to watch the baby. kyle works. and we cant afford to send him to day care. i wish we could so then i could go back.
sure i would probably only go for half a year but i would only have to get 3 credits to finish. it wouldnt be that hard to finish. i need american studies 2, english 12, and some other elective. so i could take photo or french 2 or something like that.

oh well.

i am bored. i have nothing to do.
the baby is sleeping.

oh well..


kayla ♥

Current Mood: bored
Monday, April 21st, 2008
1:50 pm
excited!
Why am I excited?
I just found out that the all star team I was cheering with, earlier in this season, is adding an open team next year. An open team is for anyone 18 or older. Because the age cut off for senior all star teams is 18.
I am so excited cuz I cant cheer next year and I really wanted to. But now I can take next year off and work on things like I had planned on doing, but instead of going with a different team the year after I can go with SCS. I am sooooo excited!
It is going to be sick nasty if they actually keep that idea. Hopefully enough people will join next year to keep the idea alive.
Sure if I did go with East Elite like I planned, it would be less of a drive but SCS is like family. We got along so well, and I miss them.
And they know my strengths and weaknesses, so they already know where I stand in my cheerleading career.

But anyway....
I am at home. Shawna is gonna be out of school soon, and Mommy should be out of work now and on her way to the school or home.
I am just hanging out until Kyle gets out of work. He may have to work late tonight so I may be here for a while. Which is fine with me, but I hate spending time away from him. Oh well.
I am listening to music and watching the Red Sox game. They are playing the Texas Rangers. So far they are in the middle of the 7th and the Red Sox are winning 2-8. And the Red Sox are going up to bat next too. So the score may change soon.

I dont remember what I wrote in my last entry. Let me read it real quick.....

OK! I didnt mention I am pregnant (not like everyone knows anyway).
I am excited, and kind of nervous all at the same time.
I dont feel pregnant, I just feel sick and fat. It really hasnt hit me hard that I am going to have a baby to take care of in less than 3 months. I dont think it is going to really hit until I am in labor.
I just want it to pop oit now. I keep watching Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby on TLC, and I see them with the babies and I just want mine. lol They are so cute, I want my cute baby!
Everyone is pregnant now. Katrina, Anne, my dad's cousin, and me. And probably others but I cant think of any that I know of right now. It's crazy.

Oh well.... so anything new?
Me and Kyle are in GED classes. I could be done by now, but if I finish classes and Kyle doesnt he wont go anymore. So I am trying to keep him on track and make him go. Hopefully we should be done by the end of next month or this month.

Well I am gonna go.

Kayla ♥

Current Mood: bored
Monday, February 18th, 2008
2:11 pm
boredness.
Im at home. I sitting here just watching tv. I am watching CSI: Miami marathon. I cant get enough of this show. It is amazing.

Last night I watched the Knight Rider movie. It was pretty good. It is a spin-off of the old tv series. The new knight rider is Mike Tracer who is the son of Michael Knight, the old knight rider. Mike Knight was played by David Hasellhoff. It was pretty obvious at the end of the movie they were going to be made into a series. And I cant wait.

Things with Kyle and me are doing good. No big fights in a while. Just some small ones due to my uncontrollable hormones. Oh well.

I hate being sick. I think its a sinis infection, but it may all be due to stress and all the cigeratte smoke. Its not evne me that is doing the smoking. Oh well.

I am bored. Its a commercial and I cant find anything to do while I wait for the shoe to come back on.

I have GED registation tomorrow.

Well I am gonna go. The show is back on.

Kayla ♥
I love Kyle to death.
He is my everything.

Current Mood: sick
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
11:47 am
unfairness anyone?
unfairness anyone?
am i the only one that finds the whole captain thing unfair?
why would she get me excited about actually having a chance when she knows that i dont?
two captains... fine.
one senior and one junior.
fine.... i dont care.
but when you are the only other senior that is trying out and the other one doesnt even have to try out.....
i just feel thats unfair.
i cant believe i am the only one that has the guts to say anything about it.
i am going to write her a letter stating the unfairness. and if that jeoprodizes my chances... i will say what chances did i have before. oh well.
do i care? not so much.
so fuck you, and fuck everyone else.

royally pissed off,
kayla ♥

Current Mood: pissed off
Monday, May 14th, 2007
11:53 am
yay me!
I really like how I'm not having any friends this year.
Hmmm... why you ask?
Well I lost my best friend through stupidity and can never get that back... and thats my fault.
I lost my other really good friend to something stupid but got her back.
And now I have friends that hardly talk to me or dont talk to me at all anymore.
And honestly... I could careless.
All I need and have are Kyle, Matt, Pat, Brian, and Erma. I am slowing working my way back with Ari.
I just hate how I have been sitting a my lunch table since the 2nd half of freshman year. And now I just get pushed away and away from socialization with everyone. But like I said I could careless. Its rediculous and stupid.
I dont care if I have friends cuz the only one I need is Kyle.
But w/e. Its stupid and dumb.
If the people that say they are my friends really are they would care about me and treat me like their friend... but do they? No. Not how I see it anyway.
So I have decided to take a vow of silence tomorrow unless a teacher talks to me. But to everyone else... I am not talking [well for school only].

I hate life and I hate you.
Get used to it.

Kayla ♥

Current Mood: pissed off
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
9:31 am
bored.
Totally bored. I am in American Studies (2). We are working on our projects. My groups project is on woman's rights. I have done alot of work already so it's ok.
So about other life.... Kyle and I are ok. We have had some fights, but we worked through them. It's so nice outside. It was like 60 degrees outside yesterday. It was nice out this morning. So I think it is going to be nice out today. I hope. Maybe I will sit outside and work on my hw or something while Kyle works on his truck. He might have to help Brian with his speakers again. Oh well. I told myself I wont get mad about anything anymore.
So.. besides for Pat, I have lost all my best friends. I no longer have any of the friends that truely matter to me. But I guess it's my fault. Idk how losing Ari is my fault. But oh well. If she wants to be friends with Miranda I dont care, but it would be nice to at least get a smile when she walks down the hall or something.
Pat, Kyle, Matt, Erma, and Brian are the only best friends I really need.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I have an English Essay/Speech thing to write. Which is going to suck. I hate talking infront of people for a long period of time. But I mean I am getting better at it. All the 'open mics' in Theatre really help. I can't wait for next year. I have so many classes I am going to love.
I need a job... bad! lol. I need to buy a camera for photography next year.

Ok.... so classes I signed up for next year are:
-Photography
-English 12A
-Color Guard
-Child Development
-French 2
-French 3
-Topics in History 1
-Intro to Social Science
-Theatre 2

I just can't wait because I have so many fun classes that I can't wait to take. It sucks cuz I will probably be in classes with people that I may not want to be with.

Okay.... so Aimee is 'supposedly' moving! I can't wait. I hate her. She is so annoying. I saw her today and she was talking to Felicia. And she was like "Omg. Felicia, I hate you so much, sooo much." But she said it jokingly. And her voice was so annoying, I wanted to shot myself before I heard her voice again.

Ummmm.... so what else to write. dodododo.... Idk. I need a job... bad! I need money to buy a camera. I need money for gas instead of having my mom pay for it. I want a new car.... well not 'new new' but a different. I have had my eyes on this Tiburon that's $4995 (or something like that). And there is this Mustang that is $2300, but I bet I can get the guy to go down on it because it has been sitting for almost 2 years and it needs work.

Ok... so I was the only one working in my group yesterday and now today people are working which is good. But some people are like 'Oh I found this and this' and it's stuff I found yesterday. Oh well I don't care. I give up on trying to actually work in the group. This is why I work better when I work alone. I think I might go and work now. Maybe.

Kayla ♥

Current Mood: confused
Friday, January 5th, 2007
3:29 pm
ok....
Ok. So Im pretty much fed up with all this bullshit about anonymous commenters. So now I am screening my comments. And if you have nothing nice to say to me, fuck you!
Oh ya. Also... Kyle and I are getting married. I would never cheat on any bf ever, because I have been cheated on and I know how it feels. So I would never want to put someone through that. And besides, I love him too much to ever cheat on him. And he loves me so much that he would even care.

So fuck you all.
Kayla ♥

Current Mood: busy
Monday, January 1st, 2007
8:05 pm
new year.
So today is a new year.
Bored and I thought I would make the best of it.
So... yes I am going out with Kyle. Have been for almost a month. Things are going ok. A few fights but I know there are more to come. We love each other and if we are gonna get married.... we are gonna have to get used to it.
So for that past month I have been thinking. Although I have lost alot of my friends, Im glad I still have the ones that I have as of now. I just kind of miss some of the ones I lost. Sometimes I just wish I could go back. Sure maybe some things would be different, for the better and for the worst. I just wish I didnt lose my best friend. I miss sharing secrets and sharing everything. I mean I have friends I can do that with... but its not the same. She was like my sister to me. I know she doesnt care now, and I should have thought of this before I fucked everything up. But I really do miss her. I just wish in the future things would turn around, for the better... real soon.

I dont know what else to say I guess.
I guess I am off straightening my hair, waiting for Kyle to call, and then off to bed.

Kayla ♥

Current Mood: nauseated
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